this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
