We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
