Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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