does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
