R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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