this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
