I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
home. puking in laundry basket.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
