there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
