Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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