Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
