ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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