Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
