Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
