you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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