I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
