last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
