Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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