Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
