it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
