I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Your penis caused this!
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