You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
BRING THE BAGELS
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
