You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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