I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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