In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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