So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
