Kiss
Puke
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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