in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
