She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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