Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
