you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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