Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
