WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
