escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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