Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
