I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
