I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
