yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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