YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
