Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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