I'm jealous of your bromance
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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