Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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