so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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