You smell like stripper and shame
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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