well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
