I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
