it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
