and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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