How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Lube is flammable
Who is this??
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
