absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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