we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
