So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
