so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
