You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
