Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
just found out that she named her cat after me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
