my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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