Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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