It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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