I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
