im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
